At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize