you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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