i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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