What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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