before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
