Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
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sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
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He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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