thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
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DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
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You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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