Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
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So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
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I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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