so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
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We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
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How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize