Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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