my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize