and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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