my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize