Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I wish my penis had an off switch
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize