When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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