he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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