Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone says I win the strip club
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize