Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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