I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
false alarm, still single
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