What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
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There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
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My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize