That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
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I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
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It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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