dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize