My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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