so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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