In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
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I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
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I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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