you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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