I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
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I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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