Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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