woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize