There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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