Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize