you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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