I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
