**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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