she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize