3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
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Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
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What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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