took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
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It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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