so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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