I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize