I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize