My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize