Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize