Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize