My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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