ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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