it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The uberlube is also flammable
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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