It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
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He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just invented taco cereal.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
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This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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