At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
