Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize