Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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