if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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