Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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