I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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